Since I've been gone
Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since I've been gone
It's like I've got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil

Well, I'm feelin' like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I've been in a buttload of pain
Since I've been gone

I couldn't feel any worse if I dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
It couldn't hurt any more if I shoved
A red-hot cactus up my nose

Since I've been gone
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since I've been gone
It's like I've got an ice cream headache that won't go away

Ever since the day I left here
I've been so miserable, my dears
I feel almost as bad as I did
When I was still here.

- Weird Al Yankovic
(with some minor changes by me)